Facebook friends? But we just met! (Updated)

The blog below ran on this site a little over nine months ago.  However, due to some recent experiences I felt moved to re-publish it – along with these new tips:

1.    If you’re going to try to connect with someone on social media (especially if it’s someone you’ve never met before), don’t just send the request and then sit back and wait (and then get frustrated wondering why they didn’t accept it).  Notify them with a very short message that you did so.  Otherwise it will get lost in the sea of other such requests that they receive.
2.    Explain in your very short message WHY you sent them a request to connect, not just a, “Hey, I just sent you a connection request on here.”  It will stand out from those that don’t and give them an indication of what moved you to initiate contact.  Plus, it will help keep you in check.  Having to write a short “why I did it” message will force you to explain yourself – to the recipient AND to yourself.  I’ve gotten a couple such messages lately that have been very generic and all it moved me to do was ignore their request.  “Hey, I looked at your profile and thought we would be a good connection for each other” doesn’t tell me anything other than that you probably are trying to dupe me into a conversation because you want to try to sell me something.
3.    As I’ve said in other blogs on this site and numerous times on “Now Hear This Entertainment,” don’t go to them with your hand out.  If you find in #2 above that you’re asking them for something, you need to re-think the basis of wanting to be connected.  Remember that “servant’s heart” concept – what can YOU do for THEM?

One Sunday morning in church a few years ago a little boy sat next to me while the rest of his family was just across the aisle from him.  While being respectful of the fact that we were in church, there was just enough conversation to make a nice little connection.  Not too long before dismissal he looked up at me and asked, “Do you want to be friends?”  It was very cute.  I believe the boy told me he was seven or eight years old.

Of course out there in the business world or, specifically, this entertainment industry we toil in each day, you don’t encounter cute little kids asking “Do you want to be friends.”  Yet, there is a strange trend out there of people meeting for the first time, and right away sending a friend request on Facebook.

Why?

Someone in music would probably tell me about the importance of Facebook, as it relates to their music page on that platform and/or perhaps even the huge audience you can reach on there, be it through ads or other means.  Those elements are noteworthy but, of course, Facebook isn’t the be-all, end-all for promoting your music.  That’s why you have a presence on the likes of ReverbNation, YouTube, SoundCloud, those types of sites.  Right?

So then why this knee jerk to automatically run to Facebook to friend someone on there?

It’s not unlike a tip I’ve given out as a “Bruce’s Bonus” segment on “Now Hear This Entertainment,” which was (I’m paraphrasing) that you shouldn’t automatically assume that it’s okay to text someone just because you have their cell phone number.  You need to establish a relationship and build trust and, quite simply, get permission before making that leap.

With Facebook friending, you need to establish a (real life) relationship beyond that first meeting, build trust, and yes, get permission or even wait for them to bring up the idea of becoming friends on Facebook.

How can you stay connected?  If it’s someone you might collaborate with locally, set up a time to meet.  Have a couple phone calls.  Trade some ideas over email.  Or, the one that’s being left out in the cold, send them a connection request on LinkedIn.  That platform is all about business relationships and if you’re not using it you’d be surprised at how much is getting done through there.  They haven’t paid me to write this and I don’t even know anyone who works there, but I do know that I have found it to be a valuable resource.

Remember, you’re out meeting people that can help further your music career, not folks you want to be friends with.  Thus the purposes of these two platforms.  Think of Facebook and friends (the letter f to help you).  And if you’re not already on LinkedIn, get there and start connecting with other entertainment industry professionals.  It’s a whole different image – the kind you want (not the kind where someone whose help you want has to sift through 47 pictures you just uploaded of your niece’s first birthday party).