Unique Music Collaborator – A Baby

The first four Wednesday nights in April featured the Now Hear This Entertainment Virtual Music Series, with artists from around the country performing live on Instagram and, in between their original songs, talking about what they were up to, what with the pandemic hanging over everyone, as we were all hunkered down in quarantine mode.  One of the performers, Atlanta-based singer, songwriter, guitar and piano player Melissa Bret, didn’t talk about a new single or EP or album.  Rather, she described the bigger impact on her life as a recording artist, which was the addition of ‘Mom’ to her title.  She provides the following guest blog to give a glimpse at the impact that becoming a parent has on one’s music career.

Finally, she is asleep. I slowly and carefully peel her limp body off me, lay her down gently and slip away as quietly as can be. A new idea for a song has come to me and I am eager to begin writing ASAP.  In the next room I grab my guitar, gingerly strumming until a melody starts to unfold. Within minutes I find myself furiously scribbling word after word, line after line, and before I know it, verse after verse. It feels so good to have this rare and seemingly effortless slice of productivity. The momentum is building and it’s unstoppable – until all of a sudden, I find my ears ringing with the pang of that sweet, familiar cry. My eyes adjust downward to the flashing of the bright red lights on the baby monitor and I instantly snap back into reality. There’s my baby; wide-eyed, arms stretched upward, calling out, “Mama!”

Frustrated by the interruption, I sigh and take a deep breath, humbly reminding myself that I am now a mother before anything else. Hopefully this won’t take long and I’ll be able to easily pick up where I left off. As I rush to her aid, I leave everything out just as it is-- notebook open with my pen resting on the spine, guitar slightly propped up against the sofa, the Himalayan salt lamp dimly lit in the corner. This will probably only take a few minutes.

But as I hold my baby, the world seems to stop spinning. We melt into each other's loving embrace and nothing can bring me out of the warmth and comfort that I’m blissfully surrendering to in this moment. I shut my eyes “just for a minute” to take it all in. Alas, she is nodding off.

In that moment, I realize the song can wait. No, the song will HAVE to wait. Mama’s tired.

This is my life now.

I practice piano with tiny arms clung tightly around my neck.
I play guitar with chubby little baby hands fumbling around the strings.
I sing with a small, tone-deaf human attempting to imitate me.
I write while wrestling curious stubby baby fingers that are constantly reaching for my pen and paper.
I record demos only to have my toddler barge in giggling during the very end of that PERFECT take that I’ve been working on capturing for the past half hour.

Call me naive, but I never imagined my life as a musician would change so much after having a baby. The answer to everything seemed so simple.  “I’ll just get a babysitter!” Or, “I’ll take her on the road with me!” “I’ll leave her with my parents until I get back!” It didn’t take long for me to see, however, that it’s much more complicated than that. Motherhood had a tight grip on my heart and shifted both my focus and perspective. My desire to be there for my daughter took precedence over any and all music opportunities.

I have found freedom in pursuing my passion at my own pace. I have found freedom from vanity and selfishness. I have found freedom from comparisons and self-doubt. Freedom from the many pressures that can so easily consume you in this industry. I am happy and at peace.

But with the relief and contentment also come days of pining. I sometimes feel I grieve my former life as a musician. On social media I see the incredible places my fellow musician friends go, the dreamy stages they play, the wonderful music they are sharing, and the many friendships they’ve made that were birthed in music from their travels. And in the back of my mind, I can’t help but wonder what my life would look like had it not taken this beautiful turn of events. The FOMO gets very real.

When I think of my life as a mother first, and musician/songwriter second, Brandi Carlisle’s song “The Mother” sums up this delicate balance perfectly.

Being a mother is like having all you could possibly want right in your arms while looking out the window watching your friends running in a race that you’ve been training for your entire life. You feel stuck but you also somehow feel liberated. Because for the first time in your life, this is not about you. This is about the little life you’ve brought into this world, the one who looks to you for every single thing.

I know I’ll eventually get back on the trail I began blazing for myself years ago, but until then, my journey is taking me on the pavement. And that’s okay.

Finally, she is asleep. I slowly and carefully peel her limp body off me, lay her down gently and slip away as quietly as can be. Time to finish that song.

Melissa was the guest way back on Episode 9 of “Now Hear This Entertainment.” Visit her official website and connect with her on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter.