It’s Okay to Say ‘No’

For someone who’s always preaching about collaborating, it feels a little strange for me to write a blog under the headline of “It’s Okay to Say No.”

However, I just returned from approximately one week in Los Angeles, concluding with another speaking engagement, as part of the Outlier Podcast Festival.  And one session that I sat in featured a panel where someone used that expression and it obviously stayed with me.

I remember hearing the speaker say, in short, that just because someone offers you something doesn’t mean you have to go along with it.  She was essentially saying that if you’re asked about participating in an opportunity, don’t feel like, “I guess I have to say Yes.”

I know that this message was meant to resonate with me because – and this shows that we can get reinforcement, validation, whatever word you like, from the strangest of places – on Saturday night I was at a rooftop party in Hollywood and someone was telling me how the guest of honor is too nice.  I responded that I’m the same way.

We fall into a trap where we think we have to always say Yes to people.

In the case of the podcasting event, the speaker was referring to someone asking another person to co-host a podcast with them.  There’s the commitment aspect (do you have that kind of time in your schedule), and there are also questions such as, do you like the topic and, gulp, do you like the person – well, enough to do a podcast with them on a recurring basis, that is.

And then similarly, for those who come to this blog each week and/or listen to the “Now Hear This Entertainment” podcast for insights regarding a career in music, what about collaborating on a song?  Or playing a show together?

If someone wants to write with you, it’s a good opportunity to see if you gel with them – personally and musically.  And if you don’t, then the answer to a follow-up writing session is No!  And if there’s a request (from someone else) to perform together, it’s okay to say No.  Maybe you don’t like their style of music or something about their personal life or some other list of reasons.  The bottom line here is that while collaborating is great and should be encouraged, it is okay to say No.

Perhaps a different way to look at this is, instead of picturing it from start to finish, jump right to the end.  What’s the worst that can happen?  If you ask yourself that and don’t envision a positive outcome, guess what?  The answer is, “No, thank you.”

Heck, for that matter, this simple awareness (it’s okay to say No) should be applied in business too.  There’s an attorney in a weekly business connections group that I attend who tells tales of people that end up needing to get a lawyer because of their haphazardly having gone into business together.  Maybe someone should’ve let them know when the idea was first being discussed that – say it with me – it’s okay to say No.

What lessons have you learned from where you wish you would’ve said No?  Talk with others about this blog in our Facebook group.