I often think back to my interview way back on Episode 188 of my weekly “Now Hear This Entertainment” podcast when the guest was Charlie Midnight. (The accompanying photo shows us recording that conversation.) He is a multi-Grammy™, Emmy™, and Golden Globe™ award winning and nominated songwriter and producer and has worked with some of the biggest names in the business.
He is also the author of a book called, “Deserve’s Got Nothing to Do With It: Five Elements That Will Help You Survive Your Emotional Journey to Success.”
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How many times these days do you hear someone say, “I deserve to take a day off.” Or maybe, “I deserve to go on this vacation.” Perhaps it’s, “I deserve to treat myself with (purchase).”
As I’m sure Charlie Midnight would attest, deserve is a trap.
Once you convince yourself that you are entitled to some indulgence, whether you realize it or not and regardless of if it’s your intention, you have just established a precedent.
Think of the gig that you don’t want to play Thursday night. Never mind the fact that many guests have come on “Now Hear This Entertainment” and talked about, “I get to go play Thursday night” as opposed to “I have to go play Thursday night.” Go ahead and give up the gig to someone else. But do so knowing what comes next.
That venue will file that away and make a snarky comment at some point along the lines of, “You’re not going to cancel on me and give the booking away again, are you?” Try telling them, “I deserved that night off.”
And while this might sound drastic, you might be sending in your own replacement. That’s right. The venue is already a bit turned off by the fact that you chose to substitute someone else in. Now they’re hearing him or her perform and they’re really good – and maybe they just offer them one or more future bookings. All because you deserved to have a night off.
There’s also something to be said for the aforementioned precedent.
I have taken great pride in never having missed a week once since launching my podcast on February 17, 2014. There is probably a little voice in my head reminding me that if I miss a show (a week, an episode) once, then it’s going to open the door to (make it easier to) do it again another time.
See the trap that deserve sets?
Last night I watched the latest episode of “Euphoria” and, sure, while you might’ve felt for Nate, on his knees pleading with the Planning and Zoning Commission, I couldn’t help but think of an actor that felt they deserved a role that they auditioned for. Maybe they went back to the casting director and grandstanded (out of emotion, not acting), carrying on about why they should’ve been the one to get the role. Well, guess what? Before it was simply a ‘No,’ but now it’s a, “Let’s not let (him/her) back in here for an audition again.”
I guess you got what you deserved.
Meanwhile, the guy or gal who feels like they can really deliver from the stage and impact an audience turns down a speaking gig because he or she feels that they’ve done their time, there have been plenty of bookings they took with no pay, and they – yup, here comes that word – deserve to get paid now.
So, no books get sold in the back of the room and no new clients hire them for their services and no new followers are gained on social media, and no audience member says, “Wow, (he/she) is really good. We need to book them to speak at our next event.”
“I can just blow this off.” You say that about something that you, in fact, should be attending, but you feel you deserve to have a night out with your friends.
And here’s the one you really don’t want to read. That getaway to Cancun because you deserve some r&r? Look in the mirror when the credit card bill comes in and you already know that you’re going to make the minimum payment, not only this month, but for months and probably years to come.
Remember the words of Charlie Midnight. “Deserve’s got nothing to do with it.”
A Member of the Recording Academy, I have been helping indie music artists, authors, actors, entrepreneurs, podcasters, filmmakers, small business owners, and more for over twenty years. What challenges are you having in your creator career that I can lend some insight to? Connect with me so you can take advantage of all my experience, and I can help and keep you moving forward.